Guilt- Aldaril/Jhasi

brothersofthedominion:

“Unless I get dish-…discharged er somthin’. I up n’ quit now, I may as well put my head on th’ choppin’ for desser- desertion.” Aldaril picked up the bottle, giving it a swirl, “ ‘Sides, when-when-… If I stop now, I canna– I can’t support th’ rest of my family– My aunt. Sh-shes the uh-… We’d be orphans on th’ street if not fer her.” He took another swig of the wine, head thumping on the support of the bed, “Rest of th’ family didn’t wan’ us… Icarus speshif–.. speh– fuck–specifically.”

He rested his face into his palms, fingers clutching onto his brows, “We were dumb kids, y’know- dumb an’–dumb and angry. Some Nords took a-a-a hit at uh– at our home. Next thing ya know, our cousin gets lopped in half in th’ Great War. Our uncle nearly follows an’ I gotta drag ‘im out of a legion camp and — an’–”

His fingers wrung the neck of the bottle. He could almost smell the metallic tang of blood, almost feel the warm fluid seeping into his arms as the recollections flooded his memory. His chest lifted rapidly before desperately taking the bottle into his mouth. He slammed the bottle down, missing the carpet; glass scatted across the floor in all directions. “Sleck!” The intoxicated mer cursed under his breath, glancing sheepishly at the khajiit, “S-… Sorry about that, cerum.”

J’hasi jumped at the sound of shattering glass, seeing the sharp shards of green scattering over the stone under them with a splattered puddle of wine. He huffed quietly, knowing that with the mer drunk, he was going to get more than one piece buried in his foot or something if he didn’t clean it up. He waved the Altmer off, pushing himself up into a crouch, starting to gather up the shards in a pile, his tail flicking slowly behind him as it smoothed out to its normal size.

“I see…” he murmured quietly, silent for a moment, pausing with his fingers touching a shard of glass before he hooked his claws under it, pulling it up and into his palm, the edge scraping the stone quietly before tinking against its fellows in the growing pile. The Khajiit took a slow breath as he worked on cleaning up before speaking again.

“I’m…sorry that your family was hurt. The war…wasn’t kind to anyone, least of all those who lost something important because of it…” J’hasi’s ears lowered, feeling emotion pool into his chest as he picked up the shards, reminded of Baht’s gleaming scales, all proud and excited to join the Blades…only to be shot down, an arrow piercing through his back, into his stomach…blood, blood everywhere…

Watching the fear in his eyes when he came back to scoop the Saxhleel up out of the snow, tears, whimpering as the last little bit of light in his eyes faded away…quiet, whispered panic in his hisses of Jel before…silence, nothing but dead air from dead lungs escaping into the frigid mountain winds…

J’hasi started a little at something hitting his thumb, looking down and seeing his fur was damp on the back of his hands, turning his face to swipe away the tears pooling up in his eyes before Aldaril could notice. He let out a slow breath, his voice sounding a little more fragile.

“I hope that you’re allowed to go home soon. Start a different career. Convince your brother to take up work where his mouth is less likely to get him into trouble, maybe.” he said, gathering up the last of the glass and looking at the wine dripping off the sharp edges.

“While it was a choice made out of anger, I hope it’s not one that costs you everything.”

[ ☤: a memory of death/loss ]

4E 171, Cyrodiil

Another crash, heat billowing in as the tunnels crumbled more, mortar hissing between the stones to color them ashen. J’hasi coughed, shaking his head as he pulled his scarf up over his nose better, feeling Baht blindly grope for his tail to lead him. The Khajiit gripped his sword tighter, keeping his head low as he heard the sounds of battle upstairs where the Thalmor had breached the interior. He could hear the newer recruits’ shaky breathing alongside the unsteady veterans’ as he fought to keep his own smooth and calm. Small skirmishes he’d long been accustomed to, but it was like the Battle of Bruma, or the invasion of the Imperial City all over again, except…except Daedric banishments would be of little use.

The sound of barked Altmeris prompted J’hasi to press on further, only able to smell the dust and fear in the tunnels. His hands and legs were shaking, licking his lips and tasting dust as his eyes caught the familiar bend in the tunnel before they would be outside, safe. …hopefully.

“Up ahead, quickly.” he whispered. He felt Baht squeeze his tail in response, his hand shaking. They’d nearly gotten to the bend when the howling wail of another fireball sailing for the Temple made Baht freeze, J’hasi looking back to prompt him to keep moving. The fireball struck the walls, another shuddering rumble rippling through the old stone and mortar. Part of the ceiling collapsed behind them, the Khajiit hissing at the others to keep moving, seeing light filtering through from above. They had to move quickly before the tunnel was found.

It was only once they were outside that J’hasi could see the damage wrought on the place he’d called home for a while now, fires blazing over old Akaviri architecture, walls blasted open, the blood of Blades and Thalmor alike staining it and the snow around it, bodies littered about. It made his legs shake, making it hard to breathe before he pulled Baht forward, ushering the recruits ahead.

Of course it was too easy to just let them get away, lead the recruits away from a battle they weren’t at all prepared for.

A fireball struck the trunk of a tree, far too close to the Khajiit’s head for comfort, turning around and spotting a few of those dark-robed bastards and others in golden Elvish armor. He pushed Baht ahead, turning to face them.

“GO! Run!” he snapped, turning to bare his fangs at the mer rushing him. The scent of steel and iron, blood brought him back down from the fear making him tremble, a normal battle, combat he was used to, practiced movements day after day in the Temple courtyard, against other Blades for a bet, or as punishment, and eventually, wooden dummies when the Blades there knew better than to fight him.

It never got any easier, but it was familiar.

One slash cut right through robes, the mage startled when he turned to fight them so quickly and crying out in pain before scarlet soaked the cloth darker, staggering back. Another mage tried to use a shock spell, only for it to just tingle, another sending blazing pain through his arm and rendering it useless for precious moments, but he lunged at them, the tip of his blade sinking into their stomach and out the back. It was by then that the ones in armor caught up, ducking back to avoid a swing of a greatsword, bringing up his twitching arm, the blade glancing off the steel bands over his forearm, but bruising and leaving it feeling hot and unsteady.

His tail whipped behind him, snarling before slamming his shoulder into the mer’s stomach, knocking them both into the snow, tumbling, disoriented, a slice on the Khajiit’s cheek appearing when the greatsword nicked him. When they finally stopped at the bottom of the hill, he took his blade in both hands and drove the edge down over the mer’s throat, seeing shock and surprise, fear, before blood sprayed out from their neck and splattered over their skin, the Khajiit’s face and armor.

J’hasi flattened out over the body to avoid a roar of flame, catching the scent of burning cloth behind him and rolling over into the snow, putting out his scarf. He staggered a little while getting up, still a little dizzy as the two other armored mer and the last mage came at him. The Khajiit took deep breaths as they ran to him, darting to the side of the mage, swiping their dagger from their hip before stabbing them in the kidney with it, shoving them down the hill before blocking one of the armored Thalmor’s swings with his sword. He ducked, shoving the blades up when the other armored mer ran at him with a warhammer, the two of them hitting each other with a screech of metal before backing away.

In the brief seconds that followed, J’hasi kicked at the legs of one, throwing the dagger at the mage struggling to aim a spell at him below, striking their side with a thump. A brief moment when a Thalmor snatched the edge of his scarf caught him off-guard, a sharp slice of his sword and he was free, running up into the mountains and trees, heart racing. He could hear the remaining two huffing, trying to keep up with him, his own lungs and limbs burning with fatigue and strain, unused to wearing heavy armor for so long. When he finally caught up with the recruits, he was gasping, seeing Baht spot him and rush to him, shaking.

“J-J’hasi, y-you okay?” he asked, his ‘s’ a hiss in his panicked state. The Khajiit pat him on the shoulder.

“Fine. W…we need to move. Bolar, scout ahead, make sure there aren’t more ahead trying to cut us off.” Velyn started, eyes wide.

“We got more incoming.” J’hasi turned to see the two he’d left behind, as well as a few archers, arrows already being drawn.

“Archers! Move!” he barked, hearing the creaks of bowstrings before sharp hisses, one sinking into his side, dinging against a Breton’s shield, Velyn’s armor…and one diving right through Baht’s armor and into his stomach.

The next few seconds seemed like an eternity, yet an instant. Blood dribbled from the Saxhleel’s mouth, eyes wide as he staggered back, not quite sure what had happened to him just yet. J’hasi ran to him, grabbing his arm, trying to get him to move, get him out of range. Baht’s steps were fumbling, slow, the Khajiit straining to keep him upright, keep him moving. Another volley, recruits screaming as they were shot or saw their friends dropping to the ground, dead, Velyn trying to get them to keep running.

J’hasi pulled Baht along, surprised when the Saxhleel suddenly fell on top of him with a huff, the scent of blood filling his nose. The Khajiit struggled to get out from underneath him, pushing him onto his back, eyes lighting up with fear when he saw the Thalmor closing in on them. The pounding in his chest grew too painful, gasping sharply before a series of cracks and snaps erupted from his body, claws swiping at the bindings of his armor, trying to get them off before he could be crushed inside his own armor. His short gasps turned into sharp snarls, his scarf slipping off of his neck as it grew thicker, the Khajiit almost feeling sick with how quickly he was rising up. He saw a flash of Baht’s face, fear in his eyes before the Thalmor made sounds of panic, and the wolf rushed in, full force.

J’hasi’s limbs shook with exhaustion and the fading rage as he walked through the torn bodies of the dead soldiers, collapsing into a heap next to the Saxhleel still breathing, still whimpering with pain and fear, trying to push himself away. The Khajiit puffed out a few breaths before hushing the Argonian.

“S’alrigh’…s’…s’fine… Baht. Baht, look at me.” His ears flicked back when Baht shook his head, jaw trembling, unable to make much noise other than whimpering. J’hasi looked over his body, seeing and smelling the blood from the wound in his stomach, but also blood pooling from underneath him. He let out a low curse. Had it gone all the way through?

“<Baht, I need you to talk to me, okay? I’m gonna get ff-that arrow out, and fff-then we’re gonna have to move, alright?>” The Argonian shivered, hand shaking as it grabbed at the snow under him.

“<I-I-I c-can’t feel m-mm-my legs.>” J’hasi’s blood went cold, realizing that while his arms were trying to push at the snow to move him, his legs, his tail…they were still. He pulled Baht onto his side, spotting an arrow that had gone right between the plates of his armor into his back at an odd angle. The Khajiit grit his teeth, then snapped the shaft off, Baht yelping before he pushed him onto his back again. He pat the Argonian’s face, trying to keep his eyes open.

“<Listen to me. I’m going to get you out of here, okay? Baht?>” The Saxhleel was looking at him, throat convulsing as he kept swallowing, blood trickling out of the corner of his mouth, from his nose, panting and whimpering, tears streaking down his cheeks as a shaky hand grabbed a handful of his fur. J’hasi shivered, his vision blurring a little as he tried moving him, only to feel horror clawing up his throat when the grip at his arm tightened, those yellow eyes pausing, unfocusing…the shaking and watery gasps and whimpers quieting. A few seconds of silence passed, before…

“<…B…Baht?>” The Khajiit gently shook his shoulder, jaw trembling. No response. His vision blurred, tears overflowing and spilling out over his fur, soaking it and rapidly growing cold in the freezing air.

“Baht.” J’hasi sniffed, a small whimper coming out before he dropped his head, fingers curling over the cold breastplate of his friend, his mentee…

“<P-please…>”

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