Tag: running from regrets

“J’hasi, what happened to you? What happened to your face?”

He most certainly did not jump. The Khajiit grinned, flinching at the pull of the healing scratches over his face.

“Nothing serious. Just…uh…surprised a wolf while hunting. Small scratches, won’t take long to heal.” He crouched back down to grab some more snow, putting it over his cheek to ease the burning sensation and to hide it while he dug around in his pack, looking for scraps for bandages. Hopefully she wasn’t knowledgeable enough about the local wildlife to realize that there was one too many claw marks for a mere wolf.

“I’m surprised to see you here again. Thought you would’ve left this ice-block of a town for nicer weather. Though if your parents sell meat, you could hardly find a place better to keep it.”

running-from-regrets:

She was thoroughly unconvinced by the other Khajiit’s attempt to seem alright – though she offered a small smile in response to his well wishes. Scratching her cheek, M’nari listened to him trail off and babble slightly; ears perking up when he asked for his cloak back. She had completely forgotten she was wearing it at this point.

Wordlessly, the kitten removed the cloak from her attire and gently handed it to her guide, receiving the rolled up map in return with her own trembling hands. M’nari bit her lip and glanced down at the ground in thought, unsure of what else to add as the dark Khajiit seemed to shift and twitch in place – merely nodding at his advice in silence.

After a moment, she glanced to the inn one last time before exhaling a nervous breath and upgrading her previous smile into an attempt at a comforting beam. “Thank you again,” she murmured, feeling her tail squirm uncomfortably in her clothes. “Um, good luck with the…stuff,” the feline added with a gesture towards the building. “I’ll see you again someday, I-I hope.”

It took a moment for her to work up the courage to move her legs, but eventually she turned towards the advertised inn and began to shuffle her way towards it – looking back one last time at her guide before entering the building.

The Khajiit nervously nodded at her farewell, turning to look at the College again (gods-DAMN it was big…) rather than glimpse into the far-more-inviting inn. He didn’t need a drink to do this, hell he’d be lucky enough to have coin for some spellbooks, or…whatever they might ask of him… He didn’t imagine they taught for free. It was then that a gust of wind whipped up the air, and a rush of werewolf scent unlike his own flooded his nose.

By the time he turned to look back for the source, Dan’kuu had already vanished inside, door falling shut behind her.

running-from-regrets:

A look of relief flickered across her features at his response – the last thing she wanted was her guide to freeze to death, as she surely would have if he didn’t come to her aid. M’nari watched the black cat’s face occasionally, soon glancing at him with concern as his face contorted into one of confusion,t hen shock, and – fear? as he looked around the area.

Silently, the younger cat wondered what was troubling her companion and opened her mouth to speak, but stood there and watched as he began to shake at the sight of the big, stone building on the horizon of the bridge. While it was impressive, she wasn’t sure what part of it was terrifying to her friend. His sickly expression and weakened demeanor caused a knot to grow in her stomach – was there an illness spreading around that she would soon catch?

“A-are you alright?” M’nari squeaked, wondering what to do. “C-can I help you in any way, o-or should I just…go…” The cat trailed off, eyes darting towards the inn with uncertainty. As much as she wanted to stay and repay the favour, she really did not want to get sick – she was already lost, an illness would only worsen the situation!

The Khajiit stared at the building a little longer, feeling his stomach roil into unpleasant knots that threatened to squeeze out its contents all over the street. At the question he jumped a little, tail puffing even as he tried to press it closer to his legs to hide it.

“I-I’m fine! Fine. Um… Well, I hope you find your…market…parents. I mean, if they’re coming to Skyrim soon. Good luck with your prices. And uh…carriage.” His mind was all jumbled, making it difficult to think properly enough to word sentences, nevermind in his third tongue. J’hasi swallowed, trying again, turning his back to the College entirely to hopefully calm his anxiety enough to speak properly, instead of sounding like a madman.

“Um. Right. Well, I’ll need my cloak back… But you can keep the other stuff. They should sell cloaks here, I d-don’t imagine they wouldn’t keep them stocked.” He gestured vaugely at the snowflakes tumbling down from the sky, spinning in the breezes.

“Mine’s sort of…important to me, so… And uh… …map. Right.” His hands were shaking a little as he unshouldered his pack enough to dig around, pulling out a crisp map, rolled up into a tight spiral and fastened closed with a piece of cord. He held it out for Dan’kuu.

“Here. Don’t get lost again, alright? Stick to the roads.” He managed a strained smile, knowing full well he was losing the battle on the ‘looking calm’ front but stubbornly refusing to admit it out loud. He could do this. He had faced Dagoth Ur in the belly of Red Mountain, fought legions of ash monsters, daedra, and Thalmor alike. Crossing a bridge and talking to people inside would be a piece of cake.

His twitching fingers on the haft of his spear certainly spoke otherwise.

♢ ha

The Khajiit slowly raised a brow.

“I’ve heard she’s a smuggler and a thief, but that’s something any racist bastard would say in an attempt to justify themselves and their actions.” J’hasi said as he cracked open a book to retrieve a slip of parchment left between the pages before putting it into his bag.

“I’ve also heard she’s a cold-blooded killer, but I find that just as hard to believe as the previous accusations. She lacks the stomach for murder. And I doubt she could pick pockets without freezing at the thought of depriving another of anything.” He stuffed another book into his pack with a frown.

“I don’t think she has it in her to do harm to anyone, really.” he muttered.

running-from-regrets:

Her heart skipped a beat as the darker Khajiit regarded her; a slight ache of guilt weighing down her chest as she looked into those eyes for a moment. The cat didn’t wince when answered – something she would often do after asking a question – but instead beamed, her face lighting up at the knowledge that her guide would remain indoors and most certainly not in response to the smile she was offered.

Hopefully I can see you again.

She opened her mouth to utter those words, but instead unleashed a strained noise of hesitation upon realizing that perhaps the taller feline was simply being polite, and her presence was unwanted. After all, who would be around you willingly? M’nari’s lips pressed together in a fine line before her arms wrapped around her body; head turning in uncertainty. 

The kitten stared at the ground in silence as she walked, brow furrowing as her brain ticked to figure out what to say. Eventually, her gaze returned to her companion; face bright once more while speaking. “Well, I hope you’ll be warm.” A pause for thought at her confession before stammering to correct herself; a look of exasperation on her features. “T-that is, um, I…I hope the buildings will keep you warm.” 

For a moment, it had seemed like things were alright between them again, a small feeling of relief flitting through the elder Khajiit’s chest. But then it was gone almost as quickly as it came, like a stubborn rock wall placed between them, with only crumbling mortar holding it together. Rather than attempting to breach said imaginary wall, J’hasi let his smile fade a little and remained silent, his tail flicking quietly behind him.

When Dan’kuu finally spoke up again, his ears pricked with quiet interest. When she fumbled with her statement, starting to stammer, a smile grew on his face once more, chuckling a little towards the end.

“Well, if the buildings don’t do the job well enough, I’m sure I’ll find a way to keep my tail from freezing off.” he said quietly, the smile remaining even after he returned his gaze towards the smattering of buildings ahead.

It wasn’t much longer of a walk before J’hasi’s smile shifted into a confused frown, his brow furrowing as they approached a few thatched buildings. The buildings looked to be gathered around a crooked cobblestone street, the bend ahead presumably hiding where the bridge started, a bridge that would lead to what he had assumed was the rest of the city. It didn’t seem to be very populated out here, only a single guard was in sight, and most of the buildings appeared to be…empty.

‘Wait a minute…’ J’hasi looked to his left towards a banner fluttering in the breezes and snowflakes drifting down. That looked like the Jarl’s longhouse…and to his right…that looked to be the inn…

This wasn’t the entire town, was it? It couldn’t be. That would mean that the big stone building was…just the College, and nothing else.

“…xhuth…” the darker Khajiit muttered quietly, his eyes wide with shock. The realization was leaving him feeling a little hollow in his chest, almost akin to having the wind knocked out of him. J’hasi’s ears flicked back for a moment, eyes closing before he took a deep breath. He opened them to look at Dan’kuu, a shaky smile on his face, his ears cocked at a lowered angle, clearly looking distressed and trying not to show it.

“Well…I was sort of expecting the town to be…bigger…” he said weakly, his hands gripping his spear to keep them from shaking. The idea of entering the College seemed much more of a task than he had previously expected. His knees felt a little weak…

running-from-regrets:

M’nari had forgotten how long into the travel she had given up on attempting to speak – each effort was thwarted by worry or a reaction in her gut to an expression on his face. The silence was mentally draining; even though she would normally appreciate isolation and quiet, this was different: she wanted to talk to her companion, but it was clear he didn’t feel the same.

Well, she remarked internally; a sneer on her face at the thought. A conversation with him would probably bore me to tears anyway. A quick glance to the sooty feline beside her and the sneer dropped immediately. The kitten looked away once more and scratched her arm. She was wrong – he looked so mysterious and intriguing. He probably had enough tales to fill a few nights worth.

Still, M’nari ate in silence, retired in silence, and awoke in silence. The night was relatively terror-free, and the Khajiit was thankful for such a fact. The last thing she wanted was her handsome acquaintance having further reason to distance himself. Although, if he needed more of a reason to, the expression on the golden cat’s face at the sight of the scenery would surely do it.

It was a childish look; one that couldn’t decide whether it was showing signs of awe or wonder and so it flip-flopped between the two. She ignored – or didn’t hear – J’hasi’s comment about the availability of carriages; utterly entranced by the view before her, the cat looked ready to sit on the spot and stare into the distance for the rest of her life.

She didn’t, however – she eventually swallowed and wriggled her fingers once she had realized that J’hasi had moved on without her. Catching up to her sleek guide, M’nari finally spoke as well. “It looks so pretty,” she confessed; ears twitching slightly. “That’s where you’re going?”

He had in fact caught a glimpse of Dan’kuu’s expression when he glanced back at the quiet rather than her footsteps. At first J’hasi was wondering what she was looking at before he remembered the sight he had seen once they had crested a rise in the road. It had been beautiful, yes. One of the many, many sights he had seen in his travels, though…he rarely had the time to appreciate such views anymore…

The darker Khajiit looked forward towards the cobblestone laid out in front of him, snow seeping in the dips and cracks and leaving a dappled pattern on the ground. His brow furrowed, a small frown barely pulling at his lips. When had he stopped giving himself time to admire the view? He couldn’t remember when exactly it had started, only that once he became hunted by the Thalmor, he hadn’t the time to admire anything of beauty. Most views he had seen since then were all but drenched with blood, populated with the faces of friend and acquaintance alike.

His younger companion’s voice startled J’hasi out of his rumination, his eyes widening a little in surprise before he calmed and looked at her. His voice was quiet and sounded a little more raspy as he answered her.

“Yeah. Though I’ll probably be inside most of the time.” He would make a point of it from now on to leave the walls though, just to observe the sea and the snow wisping across the icy surface of the glaciers, maybe even catching a sunrise or sunset, watching the colors filtering over the landscape. Just the thought of it made the air drawn into his lungs feel crisper. He offered the lass a small smile, quietly grateful for an action she hadn’t even thought twice about. His tail flicked behind him, his pace slowing a tad as he looked over the coastline, his sharp hearing catching the distant roar of the waves pounding the shore.

Maybe traveling with someone wasn’t quite so bad after all.

running-from-regrets:

Watching the bigger Khajiit’s reaction to her joke caused her a great deal of pain – his ears and eyes said it all. He hates me. She felt the mood around them shift; once relaxing and inviting, it had become cold, like the air around them, and she forced her gaze to look elsewhere. At anything else. Her eyes quickly darted back at his yawn, resisting the urge to flinch, but once he was finished, she returned to the sky.

A tremble unrelated to the biting wind coursed through her momentarily at the abrupt speech. She snapped her glance towards the black cat beside her, tilting her head when he paused.

Although she opened her mouth to argue, she quickly closed it again when the leather was thrust into her grasp. Her ears flattened and she swallowed as she began to wrap the cloak around her. The extra layer of warmth helped ease the chattering of teeth as they began to move again- despite the nagging sensation that had formed and was beginning to bother her.

She stifled a dejected sigh at the command and did as she was told – kept up to the best of her ability. The cat forced a cringe of a smile to her partner before returning her gaze one last time to the surroundings; staying quiet, like a child being scolded.

And so they traveled until nightfall in an awkward silence. The lass looked like she wanted to say something a few times, but had refrained from doing so. J’hasi rarely spoke. Outside of ‘eat’ and ‘wake up’, hardly anything resembling conversation was had. It was definitely the longest of awkward silences he had endured, but he didn’t want to break it and risk saying something hurtful as a result. He just didn’t have the energy to deal with the matter in a tactful manner. It was one of the many reasons he avoided traveling with other people on extended journeys.

It was around late morning, almost midday that they finally reached a part of the road where the view of the Sea of Ghosts was unobstructed by mountains and ridges. Icebergs and glaciers populated the dark waters, and the cold breezes coming in from open sea snatched warmth from the travelers’ bones. The darker Khajiit’s ears pricked once he saw a dark shape in the distance, something blocky and large perched on a protruding spit of land, with white and blue glaciers surrounding the mainland.

“That must be Winterhold.” he said, finally breaking the long silence. The city looked large, despite most people informing him that it was a small town, only the College being anything of interest. Perhaps the definition of ‘large’ was different between his idea and their idea. He finally looked at Dan’kuu, a quick glance to the side of him where she stood.

“With a city that big, there should be a carriage available for you.” he said, his voice a little softer than it had been previously. Both in an attempt to assure her that he wasn’t angry with her, and to apologize for his behavior without saying it aloud. Not yet. Not while there was still some way to go, some time where he could screw it all up again.

J’hasi lifted his spear from where he had rested the haft on the ground and resumed walking along the cobblestone road, feeling a little bit more energy in him just at the sight of his destination. For now, he just had to hold his tongue until they were to part ways. He felt reasonably sure he could do that much.

☻ First Impression (Ah g’wan then – do your worst, sooty.)

J’hasi’s lips pressed together, ears flicking back as his breath left in a frustrated sigh through his nose. He pressed his fingers to his furrowed brow, rubbing a little.

“Frustrating.” he finally said after a long silence. “Frustrating and by the Hist she takes more out of me than a three versus one against the Thalmor.” He tried to stretch his neck a little to loosen his shoulders, as already they were starting to become sore from the tension gathering in them. The Khajiit finally just pressed his fingertips into the muscle of his left trap, his jaw tensing as he tried to ignore the pain of his burns.

“I know she’s just a kid, but even still, the whole… I don’t even know what to call it. She apologizes to me for something I did wrong, and makes it difficult to help her. It’s…infuriating, in more ways than one. Whoever got her to act like that…I want to let them have a few choice words with my spear. And then my teeth.”

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