astarill – Page 5 – vvardenfellcat

Absence Without Leave – |Astarill/J’hasi|

There was little enough to laugh about these days, so when he came across Faralda in the courtyard on his way to the Hall of Elements and she told him of a fresh, new apprentice that had been admitted today, he couldn’t help but snicker with her at her description of her encounter at the gates. Said she’d feared he’d take his whiskers off. What a first impression. She also mentioned he should be at his first class now and that, as such, everyone else’s hair and clothing should be safe for the time being.

Mood slightly improved, Astarill continued on his way, inside, and up to the Arcanaeum to return a book. He had hardly set foot across the threshold or Urag, from his counter on the other end of the library, looked at him and jerked his head to the side. Frowning, Astarill expanded his sight’s range until he noticed what the librarian must have indicated. Wasn’t that…? It had to be. The new apprentice. Shouldn’t he be in class, rather than huddled over a book among— gods fucking damn. There was a whole pile of presumably the Khajiit’s belongings strewn across the floor. A pack, weapons… This was a library, not a bloody storage room.

He shot a look towards the librarian, raised an eyebrow. The librarian raised his shoulders. Astarill’s malicious smirk was the last the Urag saw of him before he moved from view, behind the wall against which the Khajiit had settled. He didn’t stop until he stood right next to him.

“What are you doing here?”

He had been so engrossed in his book, already feeling anxious at the descriptions of the vivisections performed on werewolves, his hand pressed over his stomach in discomfort, that he hadn’t realized he had company until they spoke.

A sharp yelp, half-stifled when he remembered he was in a library burst out of J’hasi’s mouth, the Khajiit damn near leaping out of his skin. The book slammed shut on his whiskers when his body sharply snapped into a ball.

He whimpered, shaking a little as he let the book fall open (well, at least they had saved his page for him) and looked up at the dark form looming over him, misty eyes that appeared blind except for the fact that they were staring straight at him narrowed under a furrowed brow.

Shit.

“U-um… I’m…j-just ch-checking out the books, ser-…s-sir!” He quickly shut his mouth, eyes squeezing shut as he reprimanded himself. Why wasn’t he paying attention? It was a library open to everyone in the College, it wasn’t going to be empty the whole time! Now instead of feeling anxious and nauseous, he was feeling the leftovers of the nasty start prickle uncomfortably under his fur, heat rushing into his face and ears as he struggled to swallow, still trembling. He hadn’t been scared so badly since…since that big black dragon dropped out of nowhere.

J’hasi’s ears lowered as he opened his eyes again, looking back up at the mer standing there, still looking decidedly terrifying in every aspect.

“I…I’m sorry. I just…” His teeth clicked together as he shut his mouth again. Telling the professor (who else could he be, especially with that aura of doom surrounding him like that) that he had been too anxious, too scared to go into the Hall for a lecture right after coming into this big, new place full of strange smells and new people would just sound like a half-baked excuse. He’d probably bark at him to shut up and get to class regardless.

The Khajiit’s shoulders hunched, ears pressed back against his skull as he struggled to think of what to do, what to say, something other than just wait for the chewing out he deserved.

http://vvardenfellcat.tumblr.com/post/99146112227/audio_player_iframe/vvardenfellcat/tumblr_ncx2g2vW8s1rjuqqz?audio_file=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.tumblr.com%2Faudio_file%2Fvvardenfellcat%2F99146112227%2Ftumblr_ncx2g2vW8s1rjuqqz

astarill:

“What are you doing here?”

*SWEATS NERVOUSLY*

Absence Without Leave – |Astarill/J’hasi|

Perhaps the lass at the gate had taken pity on him in his current state.

J’hasi’s fingertips still stung from the overloaded spell he had attempted to show his prowess, which is to say was very little. It was after he was given a set of robes, a tour of the grounds, and assurance that no, there was nothing expected of him here that he was shooed into the Hall of the Elements.

He should’ve been excited. After all these years, and finally he had a proper chance to study magic! But when he saw the other students in the Hall, an elder man lecturing, his throat felt a little tight, his stomach clenching again, though now there was nothing left to come up. He was exhausted, cold, in need of a bath, and still shaky and nauseous from his initial upset at the sight of just how big the College was. Walking into a class with all of his gear still on him, attracting unwanted attention and probing stares was honestly the last thing he wanted to do right now.

Markus had directed him here for a reason though, and it was for that reason that he slipped through what he hoped were the library’s doors and traipsed upstairs.

The smell of leather, parchment, dust, and ink filling his nose assured him that he had wandered into the right place for once. J’hasi felt himself calm down a little at how quiet it was, a slight, if shaky smile flitting onto his face as he silently crept up the stairs. He could smell someone’s scent in here. Though there were many scents lingering in all corners of the room as far as he could tell, only one was exceptionally fresh. Peering around the corner, he saw an elder Orismer at a desk across the room. The Khajiit took a quiet breath, waiting as the mer turned towards a bookshelf before he made his move, slipping across the worn stone to a shadowed place on the outside of a wall around the dais in the center of the room.

Once he was in the spot he had picked out, he waited, listening intently. It was after several long moments that he allowed himself to breathe again, as he had apparently gone undetected. J’hasi carefully unfastened his cloak before setting down his pack and spear, pulling his quiver, bow, and the long package off of his back and laying them down on the ground next to him in a pile. The waterproof cloak prevented any wooden or hardened surfaces in his belongings from scraping against the stone floor and giving his position away. He looked up at the bookshelves in front of him, ears pricked.

Finally. Finally he could start doing what he had traveled across Skyrim, across Tamriel and back several times over for. He felt a little nervous, skipping class on his first day here, but surely no one would notice. As of twenty minutes ago, no one even knew he was here. J’hasi took a slow, calming breath, feeling himself relax for the first time in months as he quietly crept forward, keeping low to the ground, just barely opening a cabinet and glancing over titles before one caught his eye. He pulled it from the shelf, easing the door shut without a sound, then settled back in his hidden spot, leaning against the wall with his first dusty tome. He wiped the film of dust off the cover, exposing the lettering.

Physicalities of Werewolves

It was a start.

❞ [People always seem confused about what this symbol’s asking exactly, but gimme something J’hasi frequently says, or a quote from a book J’hasi likes! Or… answer it however you like really.]

“Kindness is not weakness. I’ll choke you with the same hand I fed you with.”

It was something Maarzi told him when he really needed it, AKA when he was being an idiot. It’s because of this (and the swift kick in the gut that followed) that he realized that shutting off his compassion and caring for others would not solve anything, nor strengthen him. He had resolved to no longer trust people, to never again have friends, not after he had been betrayed not just once, but twice. The second friend had been so important to him that he had never dreamed that things would’ve turned out the way they did, and he never wanted to risk that ever again.

It was only after that lovely little ~~beatdown~~ discussion that he allowed himself to care about people again. Maarzi told him that he had a big heart, and that big hearts hurt easily, but they would be hurt just as much if they were sealed away entirely. As such, it’s something J’hasi doesn’t always say, but it frequently comes to mind whenever he’s struck with doubt.