€

€ for a bad memory that still haunts them

He knew even before he opened his eyes that it was a dream.

That background buzz, like the droning lights in Dwemer ruins, or the static prickle left behind from a shock spell acted as a filter, containing him within the dream rather than allowing him to simply wake up. The whispers were quieter here, though he knew it was only because he was the center of Dagoth Ur’s attention. This dream was for him alone, not the collective.

In the dream-place, he wasn’t in his bed for the night at the Ghostgate, nor was Shadows curled protectively around him, sometimes twitching in his sleep. He was standing in the scarlet ashstorms of Red Mountain Region, breathing easily in the suffocating breath of Red Mountain, eyes unstung by the hiss of biting sand. The howling winds were quieter, without losing the storm’s fury, still raging on, that constant stream of ash and Blight spewing from the mountain’s maw. Quiet enough that, when Ur showed his face, materializing from the storm, he was easily heard without raising his voice.

“<Welcome, Moon-And-Star.>” It was a tone meant to soothe, though it had quite the opposite effect. J’hasi’s fur prickled at the attempt to touch him, drawing away from the reaching hand, that terror rising up inside of him from the last time, every time he tried to touch him. Dagoth Ur lowered his hand.

“<You still act much like I mean to harm you.>” The Khajiit glared at the Sharmat.

“<You’re not doing a very good job of convincing me otherwise.>” Dagoth smiled, though it didn’t show past the mask. J’hasi could feel it in the dream, a comforting feeling that only incited a rise of ‘get away’ inside of his chest.

“<We are at war, Nerevar. Until I know your motivations, I cannot trust you until you submit to me. It is you, here, that needs to earn trust back.>” Dagoth Ur turned to look up the slopes of the Red Mountain, seeming at ease.

“<You’ve been hard at work, proving yourself by slaying my kinsmen. Are you hoping to show how strong you are to me, that I won’t betray you? You cringe away from my touch as if I harmed the trust between us, when it was you who struck that shattering blow so long ago.>” The Khajiit’s ears flicked back, knowing the plan, but wanting to react as any sane person would. It took more effort than he cared to admit to back down.

“<I am told many different stories, ones where I am betrayed, and others where I am the sole betrayer. And still others where I betrayed, then was betrayed in turn. Whose story do I trust? Those who seem maddened by the power of the Heart? Or those who stood beside me back then, who never tasted of it?>” The chuckle from the god made him shiver a little.

“<Maddened? The only mad ones are those who betrayed you, who took the Heart for themselves in their greed. They were mad before they bathed in the Heart’s power, and even the Heart cannot cure them of that. Azura cursed us all due to their broken oath. They are the ones not to be trusted.>”

“<Vivec was the one who gave me Wraithguard, told me everything.>”

“<Vivec fabricated lies to get you to fight his battle for him because he and the others were merely postponing the inevitable loss. He wanted you to fight me, to take me down so the Tribunal could take the Heart back for their own selfish needs. But you’re not fool enough to fall for that, are you, my sweet Nerevar?>” When the god turned to look back at J’hasi, he flinched a little at the movement. He sighed.

“<You test me. But I understand. You’re afraid of us gods. Afraid to see old friends with unfamiliar faces. I can relate.>” This time, when he turned fully, his visage rippled, morphing into a Chimer man in scarlet robes, a gentle smile on his face.

“<Is this better for you? You never took much stock in appearances, but…maybe the times have changed you as they have me.>” The Khajiit swallowed. It was the young mer from those flickers of…memory? Knowing who that mer was made his stomach turn. Dagoth Ur smiled, coming closer.

“<Of course, I was but Voryn Dagoth then… We were friends, brothers-in-arms… We trusted one another more than anything else.>” When he reached out to touch him, there was only a bare flinch, Dagoth Ur’s… Voryn’s…expression softening.

“<If only the same could be done for you… But you’re not a god. I’m not sure you even remember your own face.>” He drew away.

“<If you bring me the Tools, and you submit to me… I can free you. We can stand together again, like old times, and take revenge on those who betrayed you and cursed our people, then free them from the greedy clutches of the Empire. I’ll be waiting for you, my old friend.>” Voryn walked into the ashstorm, almost looking like his form was ripped into shreds of cloth and carried into the wind, vanishing into the blighted skies.

J’hasi sat upright in his bed, trembling and still feeling the phantom touch of Vor…Dagoth Ur’s touch on his skin. Shadows was snoring quietly, tail curled over his legs and keeping him in place. The Khajiit carefully touched the side of his jaw, almost expecting to feel the rising lumps of bubbled flesh, corprus overtaking his body once more, but it was smooth, the fur rumpled a little from his fitful sleep. He drew his legs up as well as he was able, hugging them and resting his forehead against his knees, curled tail twitching by his ankles.